Moonlight
by xohvengeance
Summary: Seasons they are turning and my sad heart is yearning, I hear again the songbird weep below his tone. Won't you meet me out in the moonlight alone? - Bob Dylan, Moonlight.


_Seasons they are turning and my sad heart is yearning, I hear again the songbird weep below his tone. Won't you meet me out in the moonlight alone?_

Remus Lupin had found this written on a piece of parchment folded inside an old book. A book he never returned. A book he would never be able to return. It was nothing new to him to find anything out of the blue, yet this was different. So many memories were unveiling in his mind. Memories that would daunt him. Memories that would make him wish he were never alive, but that he had died many years ago to avoid all his problems.

The book was one very popular in the muggle world, _1984_. This book belonged to his muggle born friend, Lily Evans, whose funeral he had just attended. Lily, as well as her husband and one of Remus' best mates James Potter, had been killed in an attack by the Dark Lord Voldemort. Surviving them was their only baby son, Harry. Betraying them was James' best mate and secret-keeper, Sirius Black. It took Remus by surprise that he found something so petty, so unimportant, because it seemed as if she, Lily, wanted him to find this. Unfortunately, it only made his heart ache more so than it already did. With that, his mind raced back to his years at Hogwarts, when everyone was alive, when all was well.

_The first time Remus had given Lily a note bearing those words was in the beginning of their sixth year at Hogwarts. It was at the end of one of their numerous Advanced Potions classes; he nonchalantly placed it upon a her stack of books as she adjusted her book bag. Stealthily, he made his way out of the classroom to avoid any interrogation and suspicion. He could not afford the risk of having to explain himself._

_Remus devised a perfect plan to sneak out of the castle after hours without letting anyone find out. At lunch that same day, he asked James if he could borrow his invisibility cloak with his only explanation being that he had to ready the Shrieking Shack for his upcoming transformation. James unquestionably agreed to his request. Little did he know that Remus had fallen madly in love with the girl he had been trying to woo for the past two and some years._

_Remus clung to James' invisibility cloak for dear life (there was a fifty per cent chance of losing it when it fell to the ground) as he began to finish up his Prefect patrols. Upon Lily's note, he left her a designated time: eleven o'clock. __**10:30:57, 10:30:58, 10:30:59,**__ he counted in his head. His smooth gray eyes had been so engulfed on the arrows of his wristwatch that he rarely lifted his head up. It seemed to him that every second felt like a lifetime, every minute was an eternity. He __needed__ her presence. He __longed__ for her comfort. The moment his watch hit quarter of eleven, he made sure the area was clear before he slipped under the invisibility cloak._

_It was 10:51:36 when Remus made it outside of the castle. Upon the note, he told Lily to meet him near the lake, the safest place for them to be alone. He felt nervous about this whole idea._

_By 10:58:15, Remus gave up on all hope for this to work. He was under the impression that Lily would reject his offer and consider him loony. Realizing he did not even bother to write his name upon the note, he decided that she would not want to waste her own time with someone so immature that they couldn't even inform her of their name._

_To Remus' surprise, Lily arrived. He noticed her walking towards the lake at exactly eleven o'clock. As he removed his cloak, he chuckled at himself for being paranoid. When she approached him, she too chuckled._

"_So you are my Julia, aren't you?" said she, slightly breathless._

"_What do you mean?" Remus was puzzled._

"_Well, you aren't a girl but, same difference. The note vividly reminded me of a book I read last summer, __1984__. You reminded me of the character Julia, who slipped the main character, Winston, a note bearing the words "I love you". It was a very good book actually. Oh, but that is unimportant." She paused for a moment. Remus took this instant to note how lovely the moonlight presented her dazzling emerald eyes; a smile began to tug at his mouth._

_They talked together. They walked together. They sat, they laughed, they joked together. Seconds passed as hours; minutes felt like days. They enjoyed each other's presence. They stayed there until heavy rain struck down upon them. They ran back up to the castle, soaked and madly in love. Sneaking in the castle with the invisibility cloak wrapped around themselves (Remus told her that he would explain another time), they returned to the Gryffindor Common Room._

"_Remus," began Lily, before they departed. "Is this how it's going to have to be? Us in secrecy, hiding so no one discovers the truth?" Her emerald gazed upon his own. He sadly nodded. Before he could apologize, Lily assured him that all would be well and she was fine with it. Giving her a kiss on the forehead, Remus watched Lily leave for the girl's dormitory before he left for his._

_They carried on with this many times. Not too frequently, in order to keep suspicion at bay, but enough to get their fill. In school, they were two good friends, always trying to outsmart the other or giving each other a nice list of books. Outside, under the moonlight, they were two teenaged kids who were madly in love. Lily gave Remus her copy of __1984__, a secretive sign of her affection, and he understood the point she made. Everything the two lovers of the story did was in secrecy; there intimacy went unknown._

Remus clutched the scrap tightly in his hand. Their adolescent love angered him. He wished to feel her warmth, see her smile, keep her close, and hold her tight. He longed for her wonderful scent of peppermint and strawberries; his desire was to embrace her one last time. He had not seen her alive in such a long time because they, Lily and James, went into hiding when they were leery about trusting him and the rest of the wizarding world; the only image of Lily that corrupted his mind was the one of a lifeless corpse, placid and sallow, and forever embedded six feet beneath the earth. The last time he had seen her similar to that appearance was when he told her that he was a werewolf.

_**Seasons they are turning and my sad heart is yearning, I hear again the songbird weep below his tone. Won't you meet me out in the moonlight alone?**_

_It was nearing Christmastime when he sent her a fifth note. This one would be important. This one would be completely different from the other times they spent together. Severus Snape was to blame for being a git, but Remus had to explain himself, because Lily was infuriated at him and his friends. She had met him by the lake after dinner that night, a new established time for this specific meeting because there was rarely anyone who had stayed at Hogwarts for the holidays. Remus saw a change in her mood just by the way her pretty emerald eyes had formed vicious slits._

"_I'll give you ten seconds to explain why James Potter had to come up with excuses for you four. You lying, no good, fire whiskey stealing, hooligans. I can't believe you 'Marauders' have to lie to-" Remus cut her off. All he needed was five seconds to think of the best way to explain his case to her, and the scene she was creating filled up his time._

"_I'm a werewolf," he bluntly stated. He wasn't pleased at the fact that he had to tell her, but he knew, for her safety, he would have to sooner or later._

_Lily looked puzzled. "A- A- A what?" The words were stuttering at her lips as the flushed look in her face began to fade away._

"_Werewolf." He couldn't dare look at her. He felt terrible. He gritted his teeth before continuing. "When was the last full moon?" he asked her. "The one when Snape foolishly followed me."_

"_One week ago. Remus, I-" But he cut her off again._

"_When do I tell you that I'm not going to be at Hogwarts and come up with some pitiful lie to explain myself?"_

"_Several days before a full moon. Remus, I understand all this, but-" He cut her off once more. He knew she didn't want to believe him and he was going to force her to understand._

"_Do you need scars for proof? I have several fresh ones because of Snape. Some of the are self-inflicted and some of them are from being attacked to prevent myself from killing the git."_

"_Please, let me speak!" Lily demanded and he permitted. "Remus, I understand that you are a werewolf. I somewhat assumed that. But why haven't you told me until this moment?"_

"_I was afraid of emotionally traumatizing you, frightening you, losing you. I didn't want to feel any guilt," was all he said._

_Lily accepted his answer. "Who else knows?"_

"_Everyone on the Hogwarts staff, James, Sirius, Peter and now yourself. You __**cannot**__ tell a soul." He stressed its importance._

_She nodded in agreement. "Those animals that held you away from Sev, as he claims, were they…," her voice trailed off._

"_My friends? Yes. They illegally became animagi just last year. That, too, must remain a secret. Don't even tell one of them that you know. I might get murdered." He gave a soft smile to try to relieve the tension. It worked because, soon enough, she was smiling as well._

"_Remus, I'm really sorry for the misunderstanding. I feel bloody horrible." Lily wrapped her tiny arms around his lanky body. "Forgive me?" she pleaded._

"_As long as you promise never to say that I sneak off and steal fire whiskey ever again. I've only done that once." She lightly slapped him on the arm as she giggled._

_They left that scene that night as changed people. Remus was ecstatic that he had not scared her away. He prepared himself for the worst, and the worst did not happen. No, the worst would happen much later._

Remus felt tears form amongst his eyelids. That was so long ago. She handled the news quite well that it astonished him. He knew then that they were meant to be. That is, until the beginning of their seventh and final year.

_Dumbledore seemed to exceed his standards this year when he picked the new Head Boy and Girl. Lily Evans was Head Girl, which was no surprise to anyone. Dumbledore obviously lost his marbles when picking Head Boy. He didn't even select anyone that was a Prefect. He had chosen James Potter as Head Boy. Remus was happy for his best mate, yet, at the same time, he was utterly envious. Lily had told Remus that their relationship would still work out, even though she would now be sharing a dormitory with the other boy. Remus tried to hope for the best._

_It only took James two times to become suspicious of the couple. He noticed that Lily had been absent the same nights Remus had asked to borrow his invisibility cloak. When he made his realization, he was furious._

"_How long, Lupin? How long has it been since you two started this? How long has it been since you decided to pine for her?"_

"_All of last year," he muttered softly, too embarrassed to look at James._

"_And to think, I helped you with it! I've been giving you my invisibility cloak all this time!" There was an awkward silence amongst the two boys. James let out a heavy sigh. "Remus, I wouldn't have cared that much. I would have been hurt in the beginning, but I would have gotten over it. Lily's happiness is all that I've ever cared about. And if you were the one to bring her happiness, then I would be at ease. But, you should have just told me in the first place. Now, I don't think I can trust you." Those were his final words before he left Remus alone in the common room._

_Lily told Remus that she didn't want to see him anymore. She said that she did not want to be the end of a nice friendship, and that she still loved him._

_The girl who still loved Remus had gotten together with James Potter in less than a month from that scene. At least James had gotten over his anger towards Remus._

_Everyone adored them. The were the new "it" couple at Hogwarts. He, Remus, could have had that. Not having to live out another secret. He could have been the one carrying her books, snogging her in the common room, holding her hand. Too bad he was so bloody afraid. He ruined all that they could have had. He knew they could never be together again. Yet, he remained persistent. He had slipped her that same note several times while she was together with James. Of course she rejected him every time, but, still he tried. His last attempt was when Lily handed him his note back and told him that they were never meant to be._

Remus stared at the note he crumbled up in his palm. This was the last note he gave her when she broke his heart. She tore him open to stab him in his heart so repetitively that he would never love again. He glanced over at his nightstand. A bouquet of marvelous tiger lilies were resting there. He bought them for her, _their_, memorial, but decided that he would wait until no one would be able to question him. He didn't want anyone to judge him. He left his loft with the note in one hand and the bouquet in the other.

The dirt was freshly placed over her magnificent coffin as he neared their grave plots. He was overwhelmed with sudden sadness as he saw this. _She's dead,_ he thought. _She'll rot away with the earth. She'll lose her beauty. She'll never come back._ Holding back tears, Remus' grip upon the objects in his hands tightened as he neared their plots. A small plaque was placed to distinguish where Lily was buried (the plaque would be used to mark the dead before a proper headstone would be provided). Letting go of all emotions, he felt his knees give away. "I love you, Lily Evans," he said as he choked back tears. He placed the flowers onto the dirt, with the note between the ribbon that held them together. Groggily, he lifted himself off the ground to return back home.


End file.
